Correcting Velleity
by Formerly RurouniNikkitch13
Summary: Kaoru has been alone for six months. What happens when her soul returns to her? [kk-kaoru's perspective]
1. Default Chapter

Correcting Velleity  
  
Chapter 1  
  
The familiar aching in my chest has started again. This pain, this betrayal is never going to leave me. It doesn't matter what they say, time cannot cure me this time. I find myself retreating to the outdoors often, lost in my fantasy that someone would return to me. I cannot stand to be captured inside for long. It just brings too many memories flooding back.  
  
My heart cannot take much more. All of the life that used to burn inside me is extinguishing day by day. I cannot move anymore. I can no longer feel my body responding. Maybe Yahiko was right, I am nothing more than an old ugly nag. I chuckle as I remember him, but soon the laughter transforms into painful tears.  
  
For six months I have been alone, but I still love him with every piece of my soul. He was my soul. Yes, six months ago my soul fled from me. Without a warning or a goodbye, Kenshin was gone. I am not angry at them for leaving. After all, Yahiko was now and an adult, and Sano...well, Sano always did what he wanted. But Kenshin...I shook my head at the thought. I do not know why he left me. I often wonder what reasons he could have for walking away. I am incomplete without him. I am nothing without him by my side. So I am left alone, and I sit here like a bird with broken wings.  
  
I am growing tired again. The long hours of sorrow and pain have taken its toll on me for another day. I know this because I can no longer mask the hurt in my eyes. As I rise, tears still flood down my face to form saddened pools on the floor. Reaching my hand out for the shoji door, the last bloody tear falls from my eye. However, my shaking hand reaches its destination. I hear something. No, I feel something. I feel me.

* * *

The air had grown still around me. So still that I could practically feel it stagnating. And despite the absence of wind, I still shuddered. Perhaps it was because of all of the anguish I am feeling. Or perhaps it was my fear of what would, or wouldn't, be behind me.  
  
Slowly, I managed to turn around, tracing a half circle in the floor with my eyes. Inhaling as deeply as I could, I braced myself as I raised my eyes. Before me stood a figure, strong and graceful despite its shadowy form. It advanced towards me in the fading sunlight. All I wanted to do was flee from that spot, to run and never return to the inevitable. But I could not turn away. Something about it demanded my attention. It was forcing me to see it with my frightful eyes. I was trapped in the spotlight.  
  
"Please," I muttered to myself, although I do not know exactly why I did. It just felt so right as if it were the only thing that could possible be said at that moment. My pulse started to increase, and the air was now too thick for me to even breathe. The figure stopped, hesitating as it stood in the gate to my hoe. It seemed to be taking in everything, and regardless of the distance between us, I swear I heard a painful sigh.  
  
Even though I could not see it, I still knew who it was and why they were here. Yes, my soul has returned to me, only to say its final goodbye.

* * *

"Kaoru," he whispers.  
  
I close my eyes and try to find some air to breathe. I need to escape the scene before my eyes. However, my senses would not allow it. The picture was painted in my mind.  
  
I could see him, his lean legs firmly planted to the ground on the entrance, his gi and hakama swaying ever so slightly to the rhythm of his breath. His sculpted arms strangled the air with his clenched fists as he watches me. The beautiful hair, the crimson rivers that smoothly flow to frame his angelic face. And finally, those eyes. The gentle violet that was currently flecked with fierce amber; those eyes that entrance me and force my heart to beat wildly; those eyes that allow me to see into his soul; those eyes that belong to the man that I love.  
  
Piercing into me, I knew that he was patiently waiting, waiting for any reaction that would come from me. I open my mouth, but nothing comes out but a raspy cry. I feel tears coming on again, and I try to clamp my eyes shut even further.  
  
I take a deep breath, preparing myself to question him, to scream at him, to tell him all of the pain that he has inflicted upon me...but more importantly, to tell him that I cannot live without him.  
  
Finally, after what seems an eternity, I open my eyes once again. My eyes widen in shock. No longer is he standing by the gate of our home. No, he is in front of me, so close that I can feel the slight movement his breath creates on the air, so close I could feel his warmth, so close that I could see all of the torment and regret that lies in his eyes.  
  
"Kaoru," he says once again in a raspy whisper. He opens his mouth to say more, but cannot. Instead his small frame begins to shake. I can see crystal tears shimmer like diamonds as they fall from his expressive eyes. He is crying. Kenshin...But he has already turned away from me, to hide his eyes, to regain himself. He doesn't understand that I want nothing more than to gather him in my arms and to kiss away his tears as I run my hands over his silken skin. I want to be so close to him that we mesh together and become one.  
  
"Kaoru...I," he stammers, but still cannot get out more.  
  
I reach out to touch his shoulder, and at my light tough he whirls around to face me. I feel nothing but his warm arms as he pulls me against his strength in a fierce embrace. Finally, I feel safe once more. But I can feel his quivering lips trembling near my ear. What can I do to ease his pain? Hoe can I comfort him when I am so hurt myself?  
  
"Kenshin...you came back to me," I whisper as I bury my face into his neck and tighten my arms around him.  
  
But Kenshin has tensed. Slowly, he removes me from his body. I shiver when I can no longer feel his heart beating through his chest. Looking me in the eyes, his violet orbs are so full of remorse that it kills me to see such a site. Surely I have said something wrong. This was all that I wanted, and at the first moment of my dream, I ruin it. I try to look away, but he will not allow it.  
  
"Kaoru...I am sorry, that I am."

* * *

TBC...


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: thank you to the people who have read and reviewed my story! I hope you enjoy this chapter too!

* * *

Correcting Velleity  
  
Chapter 2  
  
I am crushed. I can feel my heart collapsing inside of me. My breathing becomes shallow as I stare at him in disbelief. No, he could not be leaving me again. This time I would not have any of my silly dreams to reply upon, to keep me living. My life is over. I can not fight a pain such as this. I could not take my eyes off of him as my knees gave out and I rushed to meet the cold ground beneath me. Please swallow me.  
  
"Kaoru!" he cried out, taking my body into his arms.  
  
I tried to push away from him. Did he not know how cruel it was to leave me once again? But much to my dismay, I was too weak to push away. My arms were useless...I was numb.  
  
"What is wrong? Please...tell me," he whispered, but his voice was faint to me. The silence and loneliness was screaming at me, consuming me as its child.  
  
"But...why?" is all that I could muster out. I looked into his eyes, searching for the unnamed reason that would destroy me without him knowing.  
  
His eyes lowered, releasing me from their hold. Moving to hold my hands, he gave me his answer.  
  
"I have experienced much in my wandering, that I have," he began gently, trying to keep his voice steady, but failing with every syllable. "But in all of my years, I have never found one like this. A challenge unlike any other, and one that I have no experience to fall back upon."  
  
Kenshin paused for a moment, sighing deeply as he took in my tearing eyes.  
  
"I found myself giving into the Battousai more. I cannot fight him anymore. At the market, before I left...I flipped my blade on a man."  
  
I sucked in a deep breath. No, he couldn't. Did he...kill? "Kenshin," I whisper. "Did you?"  
  
"No, Kaoru. I did not kill him, that I did not. I managed to stop myself, barely. I am a danger. I needed to escape, to rediscover my purpose. I could not do that here, not without hurting someone. But it seems that I have done so anyway. I am sorry, Kaoru. But do you know what I found?"  
  
All I had heard was that he didn't kill. Kenshin stopped. I couldn't take anymore, I needed him. I pressed myself against him, my arms forming a tight embrace around his waist as I sobbed into his chest.  
  
"I don't care. I don't care that you went back. Kenshin and the Battousai are both parts of the man that I love. You are both my world. Just don't ever leave me again. Stay with me...please."  
  
My body was still racking in tears as I heard him chuckle softly. I felt his comforting arms wrap around me for a moment before he pulled me up to look into his eyes. A calloused hand reached up to cup my wet cheek as he smiled sadly.  
  
"Did you hear me, Kaoru? Do you know what I found?" he softly asks me.  
  
A beautiful woman? Another home? What did it matter? He was going to leave me again, I could fee it. Tears fell, but I can not feel them. They are like a part of my body now. Closing my eyes, I leaned into his hand, savoring the feel of it. I might as well enjoy it. It was going to be the last time I ever saw or felt my beloved Kenshin again.  
  
"Kaoru, look at me," he commanded.  
  
Slowly, I opened my eyes to gaze at him. His eyes glittered with amber. Kenshin leaned in close to me. Stop teasing me, Kenshin. I cannot bare this.  
  
"What I found is that the Battousai comes out for you."  
  
I jerked back slightly. What did he say? "What...what do you mean?" I croaked out from my dry throat.  
  
"What I mean is that he wants you. He wants you as much as this rurouni does. That day at the market...the reason I went after that man was because he was looking at you. Looking at you with lust. It angered me to see him looking at you in such a way, that it did. I just did not know then that all I wanted was you. You, Kaoru. Just you. You have gotten under my skin so much that the Battousai needs you too. I want you, Kaoru, all for myself. I love you. It kills me to think of you with another man. Without you I will surely let the Battousai take over me once again...save me, Kaoru."  
  
I was stunned. Did he just say that he loved me? That he yearned for me just as I did for him? That I was his?  
  
I slammed my body into his once more. Crushing him against me, more tears came. He wouldn't let me stop crying, would he? Carefully, he pulled me closer to him. He began to rub soothing circles into my back.  
  
"What is wrong, koishii? I did not mean to upset you, that I did not. I will leave if you wish me to, koishii. I am sorry, that I am."  
  
I wretched out of his arms and smacked him in the chest shrieking, "You baka! Don't you ever leave me again. Do you think that I would let you go after all of this?"  
  
He laughed once more. "Then wipe your tears, darling. One as beautiful as you should never spill tears."  
  
I smiled as him as he wiped my tears with his hands. I could not stop gazing at him, losing myself in him once more. He was mine once and for all.  
  
"Kaoru?" he gently prodded, bringing me out of my daze.  
  
"Yes, my love?" I say as sweetly as I can.  
  
His eyes danced with mischief as he whispered in my ear, "There is something that both sides of my have wanted to do for over six months."  
  
I shivered at his warm breath. He was tempting me. "And what is that?" I breathe out.  
  
He grabbed me and captured my lips in a locking kiss. A kiss that told me all of his longing; all of his apologies; and all of his love. I couldn't help it, I gave into him. I allowed him to deepen the kiss until he could not take anymore. Finally he leaned back and whispered wickedly, "This is the only good purpose of having an empty dojo, that it is."  
  
I was swept into his arms in an instant. Never before have had I felt as content as I do now. As he gracefully glided across the yard, strands of his soft hair slipped down his shoulder to tickle my face. I giggled and I could feel his eyes watching me. Slowly, I reached up to take a silken lock in my fingers. My fingers brushed against his chest in the process, making him quiver and whisper my name as he pulled me closer to him. He was walking faster now. No, not walking. He was running. We ere going so fast that I did not even realize that we had entered my room.  
  
Setting me down, our kissing resumed. Smiling into his lips, I whispered to him, "Kenshin?"  
  
He stopped for a moment, teasing me with his lips as he replied. "Yes, koishii?"  
  
"I have a confession. I wanted you to know that...that you are part of my soul. When you were gone, I felt like I was incomplete, like a part of me was missing."  
  
Kenshin looked down at me, delicately caressing my face. "I'm so sorry, koishii," he told me softly. "Never again will you be incomplete." His eyes flashed once again with amber before he leaned in as whispered, "but for now, I have better start making you whole again."  
  
"Yes," I replied, pulling him into me. "After all, you have six months to make up for."  
  
The last sound I heard was his hungry growl as he captured my lips in another fierce kiss. Each kiss killed my tears. Each touch lovingly reconstructed all of the broken pieces inside of me. Each mummer of sweetness brought me back to live. And as we finally joined, I felt my soul become whole once again. I was complete, and I was never going to let the feeling go again.

* * *

The End  
  
A/N: did you enjoy? Stay tuned for the epilogue! 


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